I have felt lost without an outreach for writing my
thoughts and adventures. I wanted to start a video blog (HK2UK), but I just
can't find the time or support to get a video blog off the ground so I will
write until I find an individual who can show me how to edit videos. Anyone???
I've been back in the UK for one month. I have split my
time between, running my PR agency, TQPQ and family. (www.facebook.com/tqpq.hk)
I left Hong Kong with a few goals in place. One, to spend
as much time with my family, reconnecting with my roots and supporting them through
the current challenges; two, to rejuvenate my health and energy after two years
of abusing myself both physically and mentally; and three, to run my PR agency,
TQPQ remotely from England.
The first few weeks back were full of readjusting,
questions and disconnection. I began walking six miles three times a week,
slowly making changes to my diet, and spending all of my free time with various
family members.
I wanted to video and document the experiences I was having
but this hasn't been as easy as I had hoped. So instead I'll write, after all,
writing conquers all.
My life has been flipped upside down. One month ago, I was
climbing the career ladder, working obscene hours, sleeping out of necessity,
eating for fuel, and focusing on 'getting ahead'. After two years, I left Hong
Kong and returned to Hampshire, England.
Around October 2013, I started to receive emails,
suggesting that various family members’ health was deteriorating. In addition,
my sister was to have another baby. As the days ticked off, my heart started to
tell me that I was needed elsewhere. I returned home for a vacation at
Christmas to my hometown, to discover that the situation I was hearing about
through email, was no longer avoidable. I needed to return home, and I needed
to return as soon as possible.
I returned to England on March 2 and began a new chapter.
This one didn't have myself at the centre, but more as a supporting role. I
would commit to supporting my Dad, help my sister out as she continued to grow
a new life and guide her beautiful two year old. I would spend as much time
with my Grandfather who had recently been diagnosed with terminal liver cancer,
and drop in to see my 95 year old Grandfather, now living in a nursing home,
not far from my sisters house.
And so it began. My week was split into a balance of work
and family, with the mornings being dedicated to my PR work, and my afternoons
spent in the company of those most in need. The perfect life balance?
Over the past two years I had become exceptionally close
with my grandfather, writing long emails of love and support to one another and
bonding over tales of travel, love and faith. I was desperately sad to hear the
news flooding in while I was 9000 miles away and helpless. I couldn’t wait to
sit with him, drink tea, talk of China, India and his inspirational journey. I
am honoured that I have been able to absorb my grandfather’s life into my own.
I didn't want to waste another day.
I begin my days answering emails and making phone calls to
Hong Kong, where I have been commissioned to manage a Launch event for PhatRice
(www.phatrice.com), an amazing ecommerce business focusing on social and
environmentally responsible businesses. This will take place in Hong Kong on
June 7. I hope to fly back to my beloved city of dreams nearer the time.
When Hong Kong’s work day draws to a close, around midday
in UK time with the current seven hour time difference, I close my computer,
put my running shoes on and set off on the six mile path to the village where
all my family live. The spring has arrived in England and I love to feel the
midday sun on my back, breathe in the fresh spring air and run freely in the
countryside.
I drop in to see my grandfather and grandmother, have a cup
of tea, update them on family news, offer BIG cuddles and then make my way to
either my fathers house or my sisters, both around one mile in distance from my
grandparents.
Every Wednesday afternoon, after I clear my TQPQ work, I
make my way to my fathers house. When I visited at Christmas, after nearly two
years away, I was shocked at the vast deterioration in my father’s health since
I had been away. A life long alcoholic, he now resembled a 95 year old, not the
59 year old he was. I have a 95-year-old Grandfather, which makes this
comparison all the more easier, but harder in reality. His body was giving up
after years and years of abuse. Diagnosed with diabetes, in the past has had
cataracts in both eyes, gout in both knees, pancreatitis, continual stomach
problems, excruciating intestine problems, severe muscle failure, and an
overwhelming lack of care in general.
I was not back to save my fathers life but merely show him
some love and support. I wanted to help him get some strength back into his
legs following a collapse he had at the end of 2013, I wanted him to teach me
how to cool (he is an amazing cook), I wanted to help him clear his house so it
was welcoming to guests (it looked like a squat when I saw it at Christmas), I
wanted to start a photographic project with him, not judge him for anything and
forgive him for everything.
I learned a great deal in Hong Kong. I learned how quickly
bad habits can become nearly impossible to change alone, I learned how easy it
was to form bad habits when you felt alone, how easy it was to use bad habits
as a cover up to unhappiness, how fear encouraged bad habits, how easy it was
to recoil from the world for days, weeks, months.
I didn't blame my father any more, and now wanted to help
him feel less alone and vulnerable. I needed to commit to a regular time with
my father, to give him some structure, and a reason to keep on top of basic
human needs, something he had neglected for years and years. We would go for
short walks, pick a new recipe to cook each week, and start on our photo
project.
My grandfather, who is very sick, is my father’s father.
Not only is it awful to watch as my grandfather’s body loses life weekly, it is
heartbreaking to see the same thing happening to my father, a mere 30 years his
junior. That's my ENTIRE life (plus a few years)
There have been periods in my life when neither my
grandfather nor father wanted me in their lives, dismissing me as a naughty
child, angry teenager and lost young adult. I went about my youth, feeling lost
and vulnerable. As I grew and discovered new things, I learned all about
compassion, forgiveness, unconditional love and the importance of family. And
here we are today.
In addition to my father and grandfather there is my
grandmother, my wonderful mum, my brother in law, my nephew, and my beautiful and
VERY heavily pregnant sister. I wont be bored, that’s for sure.
My sister is due on May 16, although everyone is expecting
an early entrance from the newest family member.
There is definitely the sense that anytime the phone rings
it could and WILL be life changing.
