Do not go gentle into that good night

Today marks the 100th anniversary of the birth of Dylan Thomas. I have been inspired by Thomas's work over the years, and recently I sat with my dying grandfather and read him Dylan Thomas poems.

He writes from the heart, his pain and his struggles written down to attempt to ease the suffering.


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Weekend in Paris

Part 1

I always thought my first trip to Paris would be with someone.

Someone I was in love with

A mutual likeness for each other's souls

A deep understanding and compassion for each other's previous life journey

A shared forgiveness of past and mutual high expectations for the future

I boarded the train alone;

Just as Autumn cracked through the last day of summer

I am connected, loved and surrounded by a deeply loving reassurance of a well spent youth

Absorbed in the promise of an improved next chapter, faith

Paris Paris Paris

Take me

Take me as I am, with never ending thoughts of change and acceptance.

Take my damaged past struggles, the hopelessness and the hopeful

The brave and insane, make me new again

You can have me

Today is a new day, and it'll never again be this same day

I am new, new to you

And you will see me

I have no more lies controlling me

I'm sure the man on the announcement just said

'Good morning, I am Unique'

I like his name

I reply

'Good morning, I am unique too Je m'appelle Sarah Anne Harris'

Full name, I learnt to use that this year.

This year has been an in depth discovery and close encounter with love

There has been rare escape from the unstoppable honesty of love

The battle and rewards

The reality of life

Friends and family absorbing the centre of my heart, which I was hiding away for another day

The world wasn't an easy place for me

Nor for anyone else I met along the way

It's easy to forget you aren't alone

It's easy to close up, run away, hide and cry

Tell you why?

That's harder

The strength to share

When you forget about the consequences

You realise there are and have always been friends waiting for you to release the strain of the world

'You put so much pressure on yourself'

But they waited

And now I am here

Paris is the parfait ending

New music in my ears given to me by one with understanding

Surrounded by clothing, borrowed for returning

A meeting on the other side of the train journey, under the Eiffel Tower with an exotic, beautiful and determined friend from my hometown

This was a journey of love

This was a journey of friendship

I hear you

I feel you

I can't wait to see you

I'm in love with life again.

I want to give my all to nothing in particular

The shame and pressure dropped away, left behind with my fading father and his unintentional inspiration 

I am free

I am in love

Surrounded by its never ending promises of freedom, consistency and strength

Patience and faith

Truth and love

Part 2

We meet with smiles and greet one another with a decade of memories and comforting companionship

We swap stories quickly and irrigaurdless of our surroundings

Missing detailed stories over excitement to see each other and express our happiness to be together again

There is no agenda, no plan no one to impress

We can sight see, explore, wander, discover

Just be, as we always have been

There are a few paces, just two I wanted to see

We followed the map with our finger, drawing vague paths and making loose plans in invisible ink

Stories being swapped of all shapes and sizes

A picnic bought, wine and cheese.

We sat and watched the day turn into night with the falling light behind the great famous structure as our dreamy backdrop

The Eiffel Tower in all its night time sparkle glory

Shining just for us

New Paris friends, and a late night film

A vast beautiful wooden stairwell to the Cinderella roof top room

Cozy and warm before sipping the last of the cheap but luxurious wine

They have style. Oh yes, Parisians know what they want

They have a sophisticated grace about them

They float in pride

A traditional French market, strong coffee and a mistaken identity; 

Translation surprises for breakfast

Fresh food stalls lining the streets, gorgeous people perusing like it's a catwalk, style unmistakable and a far distant dream

What's their secret?

A broken bike ride, paused to sit out the sudden inconvenient rain; with a waiter of novel worthy appearance

Must be time for some cheese and wine again

The rain wasn't inconvenient after all as the afternoon tempo slows to a murmur of warm

The waiting over, time for Notre Dame.

Cycling side by side with the Seine

Stunning beautiful magical sights as far as the eyes can see

There is too much to take in

So much beauty

Pure delight as the famous Notre Dame comes into sight

Its grand front, the bells chiming with mellow musty and deep rich metronome precision

Ringing out over the charming romantic story city

Two candles lit in the world famous place of worship,

One for those who died

One for those who survived

It's been a year of beginnings and farewells

Confident bright eyes

French pride

The exact opposite of caring about what people think of you

Arrogance wrapped in effortless cultural beautiful

Paris isn't for solo wandering

Life isn't

As popular must see sights are ticked off, photos captured, memories stored

Love isn't selective

Love is blind to society requirements

Another break out of song on the Metro; a Ballard, a jam, a jig

Extravagant begging; busking?

The Arc de triomphe, grand palaces, the Louvre and exquisite hotel lobbies

Majestic architecture

The Eiffel Tower popping up as a backdrop to the never ending beauty city

Lock it up forever; will there be a lock for me?

Little back street cafés, bistros, and bars

Wine by the glass

Languages from all four corners of the world

Photographs with people posing in statue shapes in front of famous must visit places

Smiles across their faces

'We're in Paris' their status updates

A hidden bar behind the Notre Dame, the last meeting place of these two friends

For a while, not forever, not the end

Part 3

Paris Paris Paris

Paris; you've changed me

J'adore this city

The appeal, the feel

Breaths in beauty

Captures your soul

I leave Europe soon

Feeling whole

Farewell Paris

Thank you for having me

Thank you for the blue skies, the friendship ties and the beautiful surprise

Back to London, a home away from home

Returning for a few days before an onward journey

Back to the Orient, half way across the world

Winter is coming, the long dark cold

Not me, not this year

I'm going back

I'm facing my fear

New beginnings, a brave new world

A plan, a dream, a determined girl

I'm alive until I give up

Never give up the chance to dream

This Happened - C. K. Williams

"This Happened" by C.K. Williams

A student, a young woman, in a fourth-floor hallway of her lycée, 
perched on the ledge of an open window chatting with friends between classes;
a teacher passes and chides her, Be careful, you might fall, 
almost banteringly chides her, You might fall, 
and the young woman, eighteen, a girl really, though she wouldn't think that,
as brilliant as she is, first in her class, and Beautiful, too, she's often told,
smiles back, and leans into the open window, which wouldn't even be open if it were winter,
if it were winter someone would have closed it (Close it!),
leans into the window, farther, still smiling, farther and farther,
though it takes less time than this, really an instant, and lets herself fall. Herself fall.
A casual impulse, a fancy, never thought of until now, hardly thought of even now . . .
No, more than impulse or fancy, the girl knows what she's doing,
the girl means something, the girl means to mean,
because, it occurs to her in that instant, that beautiful or not, bright yes or no,
she's not who she is, she's not the person she is, and the reason, she suddenly knows,
is that there's been so much premeditation where she is, so much plotting and planning,
there's hardly a person where she is, or if there is, it's not her, or not wholly her,
it's a self inhabited, lived in by her, and seemingly even as she thinks it
she knows what's been missing: grace, not premeditation but grace,
a kind of being in the world spontaneously, with grace. 
Weightfully upon me was the world.
Weightfully this self which graced the world yet never wholly itself.
Weightfully this self which weighed upon me,
the release from which is what I desire and what I achieve.
And the girl remembers, in this infinite instant already so many times divided,
the sadness she felt once, hardly knowing she felt it, merely to inhabit herself.
Yes, the girl falls, absurd to fall, even the earth with its compulsion to take unto itself all that falls
must know that falling is absurd, yet the falling girl isn't myself,
or she is myself, but a self I took of my own volition unto myself.
Forever. With grace. This happened. 

Tennyson

I Went To The Woods

You Think You Understand

Courage, Brave, Harmony

If Dogs Run Free

Quality, Gardening Leave

Forgiven

Cross the Green Mountain

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Last Days of Hong Kong

Back in February 2014, I wrote a poem about leaving Hong Kong, a city I had lived and worked in for nearly two years.

Grandpa's Funeral

On May 7 2014 my grandpa lost his battle with liver cancer. I was asked to compile some words for his funeral. 

Below are the words that I said at his funeral on May 20 2014. 

As most of you know, but some may not, Pa was born in China. It was two years ago, nearly 90 years since his birth that I first journeyed to China myself.

I will never forget Pa's genuine delight when I told him of my plans to move to Hong Kong, as he rushed off to his study to retrieve the map he had kept of his first trip back from China in 1935. We studied it with great intent, and he sent me on my way with love and prayers.

Every day I lived in China, Pa was with me. We formed a remarkable, honest and everlasting friendship of encouragement and inspiration. Pa taught me about forgiveness, and that is the single most important lesson he taught me.

We exchanged weekly emails for over two years, and Pa was by-far my number one blog follower. My international friends were so impressed that my 88 year old grandfather was that tech savvy.

He listened and read with such interest, that it motivated me to continue following my dreams every single day.

His most enthusiastic email came after I told him about my baptism in the South China Sea. I felt his prayers with me everyday which in turn helped me to understand God's love and community.

Prayers travel far and wide, 9000 miles and further. Thank God for Pa.

I was not alone in my correspondence. Pa was a great communicator and thrived off people's stories of life, love and discovery. Seeing so many of you here today, just proves his love of community, family and friendship.

Pa was a grandfather to 11 grandchildren, Ruth, Ed, Sam, Naomi, Miriam, Jack, Keria, Kate, Oscar and Connar. I asked my cousins to share some thoughts on what he meant to them. We are an adventurous bunch, which has taken each of us far and wide, travelling the world he told us about in stories when we were young.

His grandchildren in Australia focused on his positive influence and continued care. How Pa demonstrated his love and concern for his family and how his faith and dedication inspired a deeper search into life.

Jack and Miriam told me of Pa’s invaluable and wholesome encouragement. How his approach to his grandchildren lasted right until the moment he went to be with The Lord. How his warmth and gentleness always reassured each of them in their own faith. A sturdy rock to rely upon.

We welcomed Pa’s 2nd great grandchild into the world yesterday, with the birth of Jesse David.

Ruth and Mike wanted to share how Gran and Pa’s endless encouragement and support had been fundamental in the commitment to raising their own family.

Pa could always be found running around with his first great grandchild Kenai, showing his famous runner beans off in all their summertime glory.

Even before the birth of the third generation, Pa was, and always will be our Great grandfather. He defined inspiration to us all, from tigers in India to his faith in his local community.

From all of his Harris clan, that stretch around the world, from Liss, to Dubai, to Australia and beyond. Pa is deep in our hearts and souls, and we remember him with great admiration and love.

Along for the Ride

HK2UK: Writing conquers all

I have felt lost without an outreach for writing my thoughts and adventures. I wanted to start a video blog (HK2UK), but I just can't find the time or support to get a video blog off the ground so I will write until I find an individual who can show me how to edit videos. Anyone???

I've been back in the UK for one month. I have split my time between, running my PR agency, TQPQ and family. (www.facebook.com/tqpq.hk)

I left Hong Kong with a few goals in place. One, to spend as much time with my family, reconnecting with my roots and supporting them through the current challenges; two, to rejuvenate my health and energy after two years of abusing myself both physically and mentally; and three, to run my PR agency, TQPQ remotely from England.

The first few weeks back were full of readjusting, questions and disconnection. I began walking six miles three times a week, slowly making changes to my diet, and spending all of my free time with various family members. 

I wanted to video and document the experiences I was having but this hasn't been as easy as I had hoped. So instead I'll write, after all, writing conquers all.

My life has been flipped upside down. One month ago, I was climbing the career ladder, working obscene hours, sleeping out of necessity, eating for fuel, and focusing on 'getting ahead'. After two years, I left Hong Kong and returned to Hampshire, England. 

Around October 2013, I started to receive emails, suggesting that various family members’ health was deteriorating. In addition, my sister was to have another baby. As the days ticked off, my heart started to tell me that I was needed elsewhere. I returned home for a vacation at Christmas to my hometown, to discover that the situation I was hearing about through email, was no longer avoidable. I needed to return home, and I needed to return as soon as possible. 

I returned to England on March 2 and began a new chapter. This one didn't have myself at the centre, but more as a supporting role. I would commit to supporting my Dad, help my sister out as she continued to grow a new life and guide her beautiful two year old. I would spend as much time with my Grandfather who had recently been diagnosed with terminal liver cancer, and drop in to see my 95 year old Grandfather, now living in a nursing home, not far from my sisters house. 

And so it began. My week was split into a balance of work and family, with the mornings being dedicated to my PR work, and my afternoons spent in the company of those most in need. The perfect life balance?

Over the past two years I had become exceptionally close with my grandfather, writing long emails of love and support to one another and bonding over tales of travel, love and faith. I was desperately sad to hear the news flooding in while I was 9000 miles away and helpless. I couldn’t wait to sit with him, drink tea, talk of China, India and his inspirational journey. I am honoured that I have been able to absorb my grandfather’s life into my own. I didn't want to waste another day. 

I begin my days answering emails and making phone calls to Hong Kong, where I have been commissioned to manage a Launch event for PhatRice (www.phatrice.com), an amazing ecommerce business focusing on social and environmentally responsible businesses. This will take place in Hong Kong on June 7. I hope to fly back to my beloved city of dreams nearer the time. 

When Hong Kong’s work day draws to a close, around midday in UK time with the current seven hour time difference, I close my computer, put my running shoes on and set off on the six mile path to the village where all my family live. The spring has arrived in England and I love to feel the midday sun on my back, breathe in the fresh spring air and run freely in the countryside. 

I drop in to see my grandfather and grandmother, have a cup of tea, update them on family news, offer BIG cuddles and then make my way to either my fathers house or my sisters, both around one mile in distance from my grandparents. 

Every Wednesday afternoon, after I clear my TQPQ work, I make my way to my fathers house. When I visited at Christmas, after nearly two years away, I was shocked at the vast deterioration in my father’s health since I had been away. A life long alcoholic, he now resembled a 95 year old, not the 59 year old he was. I have a 95-year-old Grandfather, which makes this comparison all the more easier, but harder in reality. His body was giving up after years and years of abuse. Diagnosed with diabetes, in the past has had cataracts in both eyes, gout in both knees, pancreatitis, continual stomach problems, excruciating intestine problems, severe muscle failure, and an overwhelming lack of care in general. 

I was not back to save my fathers life but merely show him some love and support. I wanted to help him get some strength back into his legs following a collapse he had at the end of 2013, I wanted him to teach me how to cool (he is an amazing cook), I wanted to help him clear his house so it was welcoming to guests (it looked like a squat when I saw it at Christmas), I wanted to start a photographic project with him, not judge him for anything and forgive him for everything.

I learned a great deal in Hong Kong. I learned how quickly bad habits can become nearly impossible to change alone, I learned how easy it was to form bad habits when you felt alone, how easy it was to use bad habits as a cover up to unhappiness, how fear encouraged bad habits, how easy it was to recoil from the world for days, weeks, months.

I didn't blame my father any more, and now wanted to help him feel less alone and vulnerable. I needed to commit to a regular time with my father, to give him some structure, and a reason to keep on top of basic human needs, something he had neglected for years and years. We would go for short walks, pick a new recipe to cook each week, and start on our photo project. 

My grandfather, who is very sick, is my father’s father. Not only is it awful to watch as my grandfather’s body loses life weekly, it is heartbreaking to see the same thing happening to my father, a mere 30 years his junior. That's my ENTIRE life (plus a few years) 

There have been periods in my life when neither my grandfather nor father wanted me in their lives, dismissing me as a naughty child, angry teenager and lost young adult. I went about my youth, feeling lost and vulnerable. As I grew and discovered new things, I learned all about compassion, forgiveness, unconditional love and the importance of family. And here we are today. 

In addition to my father and grandfather there is my grandmother, my wonderful mum, my brother in law, my nephew, and my beautiful and VERY heavily pregnant sister. I wont be bored, that’s for sure.

My sister is due on May 16, although everyone is expecting an early entrance from the newest family member.

There is definitely the sense that anytime the phone rings it could and WILL be life changing. 

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